Using Humor in My Caregiver “Lessons” …
My life is ever-evolving. At almost 80 years old, I’m a comedian. That’s right…I make audiences laugh. Right through the tough topic I’m talking about—Alzheimer’s—the disease that’s been the uninvited guest in my husband’s and my life for the past 15+ years.
Here’s how my speaking goes….
Following the event host’s intro, I gingerly go to the elevated area and ready myself for my talk. I sometimes commandeer a chair from a willing audience member, if I’m presenting one of my poems fro my book, as I did during my most recent speaking event (the Caregiver Breakfast hosted by the RI Department of Healthy Aging and United Way.) I knew that I couldn’t hold the mike…my book…and myself steady, all at the same time, so I invited others to facilitate me.
Then I begin. I tell them who I am (teacher 30 years…realtor 9 years…author of 4 books…feature story writer/newspaper columnist and lifelong Caregiver).
I tell them I’ve been married 4 times. That ALWAYS gets their attention. I promise I’m different from Elizabeth Taylor, tho,’ in that I never married famous or rich men (hardly the only difference!). My serial monogamy state is important because I have been a Caregiver (I always capitalize that word!) for most of my life: I lost two husbands before I was 43 years old (one from 2 year cancer; other had congenital heart disease), and I single-parented two daughters from young ages (one was 6 months old when I left her Dad; my kids were 15 and 5 when my 2nd husband died).
Single-parenting is another demanding Caregiver role.
Fifteen years ago, my current husband suffered a head-on collision (he was in his Chrysler Sebring) on a mountain road, when he was struck by a 12-year-old driving a GMC truck. He suffered a broken neck…a 9-hour surgery and died the next day from unchecked swelling. Triage brought him back but he’d suffered an anoxic period when no oxygen went to his brain. Two years of PT and OT followed. Today, he has Alzheimer’s, doubtless spurred on by that accident.
And so, fifteen years ago, I became his Caregiver….
All these life events make me the quintessential Caregiver. Now, I share what I learned throughout my experiences in these roles.
I use humor, even of the dark variety (maybe due to my black Irish roots) for I know if I tell my stories in a stark, depressing manner, I’ll lose my audience.
I warn women (especially) not to become martyrs, as they try to do all Caregiving on their own. I challenge them to divvy up the load and I tell them how. I often ask an audience to think of “the positives of caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s—or any dementia.”
The audience falls silent.
Then, I give them my top 3 answers and they chuckle, for they’ve never thought of positives in this kind of Caregiving. In a way, I’m shifting their perspective.
So, yes, I inject humor…wherever I can…into a realm that’s often littered with depression and sadness. Click on the link below to see my recent guest appearance at the Caregiver Breakfast. This was a lovely event and it is a first I’ve attended where we Caregivers were honored.
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1APWQSqaFP
Now, here’s your chance: Try answering “What’s one positive about caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s?”
Email me your answer at colleenkellymellor@gmail.co or respond on this site. And consider buying my new book. It’s a guide or manual for ALL Caregivers or those who will be (that pretty much means everyone.) It’s available on Amazon or at my website at colleenkellymellor.com
