Want Me to Come and Speak to Your Group?

The photo is of J&J Antiques in the Phinney Ridge neighborhood of Seattle, Washington, where Paul and I browsed one afternoon, when we recently visited. The shop is owned by Marjie Johnson, a delightful lady, who runs it with her friend Julia (pronounced Yulia). We got to talking…told her we were/are Rhode Islanders and she asked about my book (I don’t know how it came up…Wink..wink!). Anyway, she bought Boomerrrang and sent me her thoughts on it last week:

Colleen—

I wanted to let you know I read your book right away and loved it!  What a fun, but informative read.  Julia asked me, “what kind of book is it?”  I told her, it’s a tragedy, a comedy, a retirement guide for medical, for real estate and most of all just a darn good fun read.  When you mentioned the movie – The Blob – I cracked up!  I had just been telling my nephew about it a couple weeks prior and that it was the scariest movie ever.  LOL!

Your book confirmed for me that my recent decision was a good one regarding “next phase of my life.”  So thank you!

I am going to share my book with Julia and then when I can get caught up from being gone for two weeks, I am going to order one for my cousins in Alaska.

I do hope that you and Paul will stop and see us next time you venture to Seattle.  We can plan to enjoy Happy Hour next door at Oliver’s Twist!

My best to you.

_____________________________

Now, on to the reason for writing this post. My offer of guest speaking. I love it!! I’ll come before your group if your group’s interests align with my subjects (they’re listed on this site), and if they do, we’ll do it. Just email me. In fact, even if you’re not sure we align, email me anyway. I tailor the talk to your people.

In the past few months, I’ve spoken before: the American Association of University Women (approximately 100) at Atlantic Resort, in Middletown, RI. Then there was my talk before nearly 100 of the Leisure Learning group at St. Luke’s church on Peirce St., East Greenwich. Next I did two Rotary presentations—before Bristol and then North Smithfield. Then, a three-office realtor group at Westminster Unitarian church on Kenyon Ave., in East Greenwich. Following that, I went before an OLLI group at the University of Rhode Island…and just last week, I spoke to seniors at Wingate Healthcare in Needham, Massachusetts. In between, I was a guest on Frank Prosnitz’s radio show out of Westerly.

What’s next? Probably Barrington Public Library and then a talk before a group that meets in a tavern in South Kingstown. I think I’m gonna love that one!

My intent? To go all over, giving folks the tools to live a fuller experience and protect themselves in home purchase/sale.

My “talks” are all on different topics. The one I did last was “Be Your Family’s Memory Keeper”—showing folks how they can use family photos and write original short stories (some a paragraph in length), as they become their own family’s version of Ancestry.com.

Many talks are about downsizing…condo-sizing…How folks can buy/sell to their best advantage. I tell them how to maximize their profits and avoid dangers. This topic is right for any age.

Before older groups, I talk on the theme: “We’re Not ‘Done’ Yet” whereby I suggest folks throw out the model that says after 55, we should sit on a shelf with all our talents and lifetime experience. I talk about the need to buck that mindset and go after whatever they want to do…just as I’ve done.

I show the product of my beliefs—the three books I’ve written in my third career (after teaching and real estate). I wrote columns for years that appeared in newspapers (Wall St. Journal, Providence Journal) but then went the next step and wrote these books. My two children’s books—Grandpa and the Truck, Books 1 and 2, reflect my longtime partner’s experiences traveling across America for thirty years.

I wrote Boomerrrang (released just this year) when I saw people being burned in real estate purchase/sale in our retirement home—Asheville, North Carolina. I wrote it to tell them about our many year experience searching for a home and living in the South and then our decision to return to Rhode Island and to show them how to maximize profit in home purchase/sale and warn them about pitfalls to avoid (again, see my book’s review from storeowner Marjie in beginning of this post.)

My books are available at all of my talks. Boomerrrang is also at Barrington Bookstore in Garden City and Barrington; Savoy Bookstore in Westerly; Malaprops in Asheville, NC; and at Amazon and Kindle (though if you order through my website—colleenkellymellor.com-I can personalize and autograph, per your directives on that site.

Contact me at colleenkellymellor@gmail.com

Boomerrrang: Book/Guest Speaking Reviews Coming In

Caleb Woodhouse,from Rhode Island, writes:

“Boomerrrang! What a great read. I am all admiration for your knowledge, your readiness to learn, your resourcefulness, and your great spunk…There’s loads of wisdom for me to gather about moving (if ever I should try), but I assure you I’ll not be a do-it-yourselfer.

***I appreciate his appreciation of the difficulty of being a realtor.

Beverly Clark of AAUW (American Association of University Women) who ran the recent Annual Authors’ Luncheon at Atlantic Resort in Middletown says:

“We all enjoyed your talk about your adventures… You had the audience in the palm of your hand…and shared your adventures so wittily….(You) added much humor to the afternoon.”

Phil Smith, former neighbor in Hamburg Crossing, North Carolina says:

“I finished your book. It was hard to put down. I sure enjoyed the book.”

The following is from an Ex-Pat Rhode Islander, weighing in on my mass emails:

Deedra Durocher lives in New Bern, NC, (husband considered living in Bat Cave, a town in North Carolina, because he thought it amusing for others to get mail from them there.) She likes Bern but misses Rhode Island’s chowdah and clamcakes, Del’s, Benny’s (but everyone does), NY System wieners, and especially misses being close to the ocean’s smells, sounds, and calming influence. (I get it, Deedra, I surely do.)

Dick Weaver of Asheville writes:

“Thank you for your book, Boomerrrang, Colleen. Both entertaining and thought-provoking. Love your style of writing like speaking from your heart.”

Cal Ellis of Rhode Island says:

“You are the epitome of competent, accomplished versatility. I do enjoy your wit and engaging articulation. Wishing you continued success with your speaking engagements and all the other ways you’re out in front.”

Alice and Rick Gebhart of Rhode Island say:

“This book is the best! My husband and I are reading it together as we are looking at a retirement/rental in the South. We came upon this book and can’t put it down. My husband is literally laughing out loud. Colleen’s humor and knowledge is a mix that can’t be compared.”

Christine Fitzgerald says:

“Book is filled with nuggets of useful information concerning buying and selling real estate…in a slew of very funny stories…some knee-slapping hysterical.”

Sharon and Rick Marcotte of Maine offer:

“Mellor offers a crash course in valuable information regarding realty transactions that you really want to know if you are considering this kind of a move.”

Diane D. offers:

“Fun read about the pitfalls author and her partner encountered while buying a retirement house in North Carolina. So descriptive, the reader will actually think they visited North Carolina! Recommended!!!”

What seems to be the common thread reaction? Folks love the HUMOR…HUMOR…HUMOR in Boomerrrang (and the helpful advice).

Please–Feel free to add your own review….Thank you! And contact me for guest speaking before your group. We WILL have fun!!!

So, buy Boomerrrang, here, on this website (there’s a pay link and if you click on it, it gives you choices as to Paypal or credit card); or at Amazon (book version or Kindle); or at Barrington Books in Barrington or Garden City, Cranston; or at Savoy Bookstore in Westerly.

Boomerrrang’s Theme

People ask: So what’s your new book, Boomerrrang, about? I tell them: It’s simple. My book tells how to SELF-ADVOCATE…how to get what you want, whether it’s dealing with medical staff (on the heels of a crisis), interacting with buyer/seller of property, or deciding where you want to live. It’s all the same thing…really.

My book opens with the crash and after-effects of Paul’s terrible accident. Shortly thereafter, I take the neurosurgeon to task, because the doctor was simply gonna discharge Paul, even though Paul was clearly NUTS and not at all like the man I knew before his broken neck.

Overnight, Paul had become a crazy, addled mess.

The doctor acted like I was a neurotic nut case, telling my daughter “Well, maybe we need give her some valium to calm her down.”

That’s when it became war….In the days ahead, I accessed friends, asking any who had medical background to find out what I needed to do to get what I wanted. It worked!

And because I reached out to knowledgeable friends, I learned to succeed in the confusing medical maze.

This meant taking a proactive stance. Not merely acceding to what authority figures said. This became another lesson…

Just one more in life.

I use the same principle in all aspects of my life.

In my younger years, I used to let things happen to me. I didn’t take the reins. No longer.

Stay tuned….

Boomerrrang: If You’ll Be a Buyer/Seller of Property, Anywhere, You’ll Want This Book

He lay in the ICU of a top Asheville, North Carolina hospital, in a medically-induced coma, his head wrapped in heated towels to ward off the chills. His partner’s daughter observed:  “Lying there, wrapped in that turban, he looks like ET (the lovable extra-terrestrial from the movie by the same name).

At the same time, his partner, Colleen, thought: “Our retirement in this region was never supposed to be like this.”

Paul Wesley Gates and Colleen Kelly Mellor were two Boomers from Rhode Island who’d searched for their perfect retirement home for many years, found it in Asheville, lived there for 9 years and sold—to return to their home state (hence, the term “Boomerrrang”—but spell it with 3 r’s).

The “why” they moved back is significant.

In the fourth year, Paul Wesley Gates was hit on a mountain road behind their condominium complex by a 12-year-old girl, practice-driving her uncle’s truck. (This story made national headlines.) Pulled out of his vehicle by the Jaws of Life, he endured a 9-hour operation to mend his broken neck, choked on post-surgical swelling, and “died.”

Medical staff brought him back, but his recovery was long and difficult.

Rather than allow this crisis to define their future, Paul Gates and Colleen Kelly Mellor used the significant downtime to publish two Grandpa and the Truck books for children, based on Paul’s 30 year career on the road, as independent owner-operator of big rigs. It would be their first foray into book publishing. They plan to publish six more books in the series.

Now Colleen releases Boomerrrang for all who’ll make a similar journey to identify their ideal retirement home….

Like the colorful quilt-makers of the Smoky/Blue Ridge Mountain region, Mellor weaves fun vignettes of their time in this western North Carolina region into her narrative. Chapters such as “Asheville Woman Looking for a Man? Good Luck!”…”It’s a Dog’s World…Unless You’ve Got a Cat” and “In Asheville, Police Respond (Too) Quickly” suggest the fun and wide swath of her focus.

On a practical level, she offers important tips as a former six-figure realtor, regarding how they chose the state…region…community…model townhome. She weighs in on the benefits/pitfalls of condo living, describing regional adjustments (maladjustments) for northerners going south.

But Boomerrrang is not just a book about Asheville. It’s a humor-laced tutorial, useful for anyone buying property… anywhere.

Her longtime partner and she gave life there full effort. She volunteer-taught women prisoners at the Asheville jail (where one night she tried to “break in”) and he ferried blood to Charlotte for the American Red Cross. They had many friends. Hiking trips, luncheons, and meeting groups became their way of life.

But the accident and its after-shocks caused them to reconsider all.

In the end, they returned to their home state.

The reasons may surprise you (They’re not what you’d think.)

_____________________________________________

Colleen Kelly Mellor, a retired teacher and 6-figure realtor, is now a regular commentator on the Op-Ed pages of the Providence Journal. Her work has also appeared in the Wall Street Journal, World News, Scripps-Howard, western North Carolina’s Mountain Xpress, as well as the Warwick Beacon, Cranston Herald, and Kent County Times.

Boomerrrang is available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=boomerrrang

Or order a personal, signed copy from the author at http://www.colleenkellymellor.com

 

 

 

 

Mastectomy and Reconstruction…The Land of the Misfit Toys…Tamoxifen Wars

I Get the News All Women Dread

 

In December of 2002, my world was ripped apart when I was told, at the age of 56, that I had breast cancer. It happened during my mammogram.  It had been two years since my last one; my primary care provider had moved out of state; and I’d been slow to identify another.

In the course of the procedure, I knew something was amiss when the radiologist was called in.  She began calling co-ordinates to the technician who jotted everything down, while I quaked.  I finally asked, “Is something wrong?  Do I have cancer?”  She replied:  “I think when the test results come back, we’ll discover that you do…But I think it’s cancer in its earliest form.”

Next, she asked me if I had a general surgeon to whom I could go, and when I said “No,” she pressed a card with a surgeon’s name into my hand, saying “That’s who I’d go to, if I needed this type of help.” She also recommended I have a stereotactic core needle biopsy, as soon as possible.

I was immensely grateful for her help.  After all, she’d given me the name of a person whose skill she admired. She took the step to make sure I had that name.  As a result, I called that doctor the next day.

My first visit to the surgeon was for consultation and discussion of the mammogram, and ultrasound results, as well as recommended course of treatment.  At this meeting, a physician’s assistant took me into a hallway between examination rooms and slapped up my film, on a device that illuminated it.  She then proceeded to point out the white dots– the signs of cancerous invasion.

Inwardly, I marveled at the insensitivity of all of this:  Here was this professional, showing me my cancer on a screen, as calmly as if we were the opening segment of the medical TV show, “Scrubs.”  The only problem?  My knees were buckling, and I wondered why she couldn’t have shown me this in a more comfortable, private setting.

When my general surgeon discussed procedure with me, she told me she recommended a tandem operation, whereby she’d amputate the breast, and then the plastic surgeon would come in to put in the expander, readying the site for future reconstruction. Her office set up my next appointment with that plastic surgeon.

At my first meeting with him, he asked me why I’d come to him, and I said “Because I have breast cancer– Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS), to be exact.” It was then he stated matter-of-factly “That’s not cancer.” He went on to argue that DCIS is a pre-cancerous situation, while I wondered why he was so intent on winning a semantics game.

As patient, I didn’t care about precise terminology and whether it fit his purist’s definition.  I simply wanted the problem ‘gone.’ I knew, too, that the hospital board would never recommend mastectomy unless they thought it were necessary.

Boards of hospitals are simply never that generous; they authorize procedures only when they believe they’re warranted.

No, the plastic surgeon was simply preening and showing off.  On a follow-up appointment with my general surgeon, I told her what he’d he said and how it had upset me. She appeared surprised and said she’d speak to him about what she characterized a ‘miscommunication.’

But I’d learn:  Communication problems with this gifted surgeon would hardly be confined to one incident.  There’d be a far more alarming one on the horizon.

On one of the earliest occasions, I came home from one hospital test when I’d had the stereotactic core needle biopsy, whereby one puts her breast into an opening in the examination table (it’s huge, as in “one size fits all”), local anesthetic is applied, and the radiologist probes the breast, from below, with a needle, harnessing ultrasound equipment, to determine exactly where to inject and take samples.

The procedure goes on for approximately one hour, during which time the patient must lock into position without moving. This procedure determines where the outer perimeter of the disease is thought to be—prior to surgery.

Finally, I was told that I could get up, with the enjoinder, “Don’t look down,” coming too late; I’d already seen the carnage below; my blood, bright red against stark white sheets lay in the hole. I went home that day, following five or six hours of testing, with a bloodied bandage on my breast suggesting a gunshot wound.

I was at war with cancer.

Following the core needle biopsy, the news came in:  There was complex activity throughout the breast, considered Ductal Carcinoma in Situ (20-25% of breast cancer detected with mammograms is DCIS, I learned.) The cancer was thought to be confined to the ducts of the breast and non-invasive, concurring with the radiologist’s preliminary assessment.  However, there could be no clearer diagnosis until surgery.

The only course of action recommended was mastectomy, with reconstruction, if I chose.  My doctor explained that my case, along with her diagnosis and prescribed treatment, would come before a review board for their consensus.  I was encouraged to go for a second opinion, if I wished. With that, I sent my records to my brother’s colleagues, oncologists and surgeons at his medical facility, in another state. They concurred with my doctor’s assessment:  The breast had to go.

The day before surgery, I arrived at the hospital for a nuclear injection whereby a dye was injected into my veins, to provide a visual roadmap of the course from breast to lymph nodes, facilitating sentinel lymph node dissection, to determine if the cancer had become invasive. Twelve hours later, I went in for surgery that would put an end to any remaining questions.

Paul and my daughters spent the entire day in the hospital waiting room, awaiting the outcome of the surgery.

When I awoke in the recovery room, my chest felt as if an anvil were on it, and I had trouble breathing.  I barely mumbled what I felt when I began wretching a green, viscous fluid.  With each convulsion, I endured blinding pain, as new stitches strained.

Cardiac specialists were summoned when staff in the recovery room feared I might be in the throes of cardiac arrest.  All awaited tests on my blood enzyme levels.

They determined, in due course, that my vomiting was a reaction to anesthesia. After a prolonged period, I ended up in a crowded Intensive Care unit with high towers of machinery blinking about. I was heavily medicated and recall little of that period.

At the end of two days, I was moved to another room whose only other occupant was a man, a diabetic who’d lost both legs, beneath the knees.  At one point, in his movements, he shifted the sheets, exposing his private region, and I was shocked, indeed. I had always thought hospitals operated with the rule:  Male and female patients are assigned different rooms.

When I told my older daughter of his physical condition (when she visited me later,) she offered: “Hmmm…He has no legs, while you have no breast.” “Mom, it’s like you’re in the Land of the Misfit Toys.”

Following my brief room assignment with him, I was discharged.  An orderly brought me down to the sidewalk, in a wheelchair, where the family car awaited.

My mastectomy and attending crises had resulted in two nights in ICU and a few brief hours in the step-down room.  Then I was apparently deemed fit for dismissal.

The irony was:  Had I voiced an inability in taking care of myself (as in “I can’t do these drains,”) I would have gotten more in-hospital time.  Instead, I was discharged, with the plan that a visiting nurse would come to my home, once a day, over the next week, to change the drains and check my vital signs.

I’d learn from this, too:  There’s such a thing as being ‘too able.’

Now, I am 16 years out from a diagnosis I thought would bury me. I was made as whole again as is humanly possible and I must say, I looked better after than before (chuckle…chuckle.) I share that news with audiences.

And, too, I met many women at Dana Farber (I ended up there for a a tie-breaking opinion when my doctors were dueling regarding drug therapy)—women who were successfully beating stage 4 cancer.

I know I missed posting this for October Breast Month (blame my book, Boomerrrang’s final edits), but Hell, as far as I’m concerned ALL months are critical. My yearly mammogram is coming up, one always fraught with concern, but I’ve already had extension of my life as a result of that procedure.

I encourage all women (because my doctor says younger women are presenting with breast cancer,) to make your appointment today, and if you have any questions, feel free to PM me. I’ve already accompanied some of you on this journey.

P.S. I learned to ask for anti-nausea medication during surgery (my surgery last 6 hours) in all future operations, since hospitals don’t give you that automatically and you don’t want to be coughing up in recovery, as I did. In next 18 months, I underwent 3 more procedures and all went well.

I also learned what worked and didn’t work with reconstruction.

If you’re on this journey, I feel for you but take heart: There are many of us out here who have already made this journey.

***Please feel free to share this post with other women (men are diagnosed, too) to give them hope. I apologize if the Share box doesn’t work…I’m getting website updated soon. In meantime, copy and paste the link.

 

 

Why You Need a Realtor

I spent 8 years as a professional realtor. It was heady, indeed, since I’d left the profession of teaching, after 30 years, at a top salary of $43,000. In my 5th year, as realtor, I made six figures and continued that trend, only leaving when I determined to realize my life goal of becoming a writer. Why was I so successful? I gave excellent service to clients and protected them from situations that could’ve impacted them terribly–if they followed my advice.

In that role, I helped folks buy and/or sell homes, and I have to say: Almost no one in the public understands how realtors work; how they’re paid; or even more important, to whom they owe their loyalties.

Why do I say this? Buyers going around to Open Houses meet a realtor or they call one whose name is on a sign and then they meet for the showing and think “Yeah, she’s nice…I’m sure I can trust her.” They never understand that realtor is exclusively working FOR the seller…representing the seller’s interests (unless in a state like Florida, where almost all realtors are Transactional Brokers–I’ll explain those later.)

Here’s your first lesson: It’s got nothing to do with how nice or friendly that realtor appears to you.

That realtor’s sole fiduciary (remember that crazy term) responsibility is to the seller 

That means they’re never gonna suggest ways that will improve your position; they won’t negotiate in your favor; they won’t offer professional tips to help protect you (i.e. “Well, this home is on well water, so I suggest a water quality test to rule out problems there.”)

Nope, you’re on your own. Their only professional responsibility to the public is to be honest and forthright, but even that means, as buyer, you’ve got to know the questions to ask.

So, do yourself a favor and get yourself a good Buyer Broker

In another post I’ll tell you my recommendation for choosing one.

Clue:  It won’t be how others tell you to choose and it certainly won’t be how the current ads on TV tell you to choose a realtor. Nope–Most of those agents have paid for this form of advertising.

Stay tuned to my blog posts and my soon-to-come podcasts….This is important.

***Collleen Kelly Mellor’s book Boomerrrang will soon be ready for purchase. In this, she recounts her husband’s and her actual experience buying a home in North Carolina (while keeping their Rhode Island home); living there, in that trendy retirement town for almost ten years; and why they left. But throughout, she weaves her realtor knowledge, enabling them to successfully self-sell that home, saving thousands. Such shared knowledge will be a prescriptive for others.

Colleen Kelley Mellor